Question: If I don’t forgive my rapist will I go to hell? My friends say yes. They say Matthew 6:14-15 requires me to forgive everyone or I go to hell. Can you help me understand if I’m a Christian or if I’ve fallen from grace?
There is a serious disconnect in much of modern Christianity concerning what the teaching on forgiveness is from Scripture.
If your rapist has not repented, has not confessed his sin to the parties he has offended (including the police) then you do not, you must not forgive. God, our wise heavenly Father, does not forgive sin without a contrite heart (which happens in conversion, see Acts 2:28 and various others). And we must forgive as God forgives (Ephesians 4:32).
So you set boundaries, you do not take vengeance, you do not hate, you report him to the civil authorities, you tell your pastor. But you do not, under any circumstances, forgive in the biblical sense of setting aside what he did, forever, and never bringing it up again (which is what God does for us, see Hebrews 8:12). This is not just unbiblical but dangerous due to the likelihood of additional abuse by the rapist.
There is more to say about this, but assurance of your salvation will be restored as you believe the Bible and rest on Christ alone as your righteousness, and starting with Luke 17:3-4 is key.
You are loved and cherished, dear daughter of God.